"Why the long face?","Cheer up, it might never happen," "Paint on a smile, why don't you?" Or as American musician Bobby McFerrin sang in 1988 "Don't Worry, Be Happy".
These are common phrases we all hear from time to time when we are feeling fed-up, sad, or weary. We may be struggling with work, family, or life in general, and do not feel like, or may currently be unable to, be jollied out of a bad mood. But our nearest and dearest or sometimes, even acquaintances, persist, often with the best of intentions, in the hope that they will transport us to a happier place.
All around us the same thinking is often at play, too, on social media and advertising campaigns. We are bombarded with the message that we should pin a smile on our faces and we will be on the path to true happiness and fulfilment. However, ironically this pressure to be happy may be causing many people to be unhappy, warn experts.
Dr Simon Western, who lives in Salthill and is the founder and CEO of the Eco-Leadership Institute, a global think-tank advancing innovative leadership practices through research and development programmes, agrees that people are under increasing pressure from society nowadays to be happy. Not achieving this ideal day-to-day is viewed as a personal failure or inadequacy.
He says this new "social demand" has slowly crept up on us and tells us it is our duty to be happy. "It's message is simple but it has a profound impact. In the recent past, fleeting, happy moments were to be enjoyed, remembered, and cherished. Happiness was accepted as being one part of a diverse fabric of life that included other emotions such as suffering, boredom, joy, love, sadness, and melancholy.
"Yet, today, happiness has become something we should feel entitled to, elevated to become a human right. Social expectations are that each of us deserves to be happy. More than this, happiness is not only a desire or expectation, it has become a duty. If we are not happy, we are failing ourselves, our families, friends, and society."
Dr Western, the author of the recently published book, "Entanglements - Weaving our Futures", likens the voice of society to a parental or godlike influence that we internalise. It impacts our values, conscience, and perceptions of what is good and bad.
Clear message
"In today's society, this voice is giving us a clear message that rarely changes, it instructs us to be happy. From social media, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, in shops, magazines, and branded objects, this voice has become so expansive, pervasive, unrelenting, and repetitive that being happy has become an internalised norm. It is now taken for granted that it is our duty to be happy."
This is a far cry from the pre-1960s "Society of Prohibition", he says, when a "thou shalt not" culture predominated in the Church and State. The prevailing thinking of the authorities then was that people's role in life was not to seek personal enjoyment but to serve society and know their position in the social hierarchy. Happiness and satisfaction took two forms at that time.
"First, finding your place in society, being part of a community, and enjoying the small personal pleasures that existed, perhaps being with family and friends in the pub, watching sport, or working on your allotment. The other way of gaining pleasure was to transgress the prohibitive rules."
The "Society of Commanded Enjoyment," a psychoanalytic and cultural theory concept, emerged in the 1960s counter-culture, he says. Institutional authority was challenged, privileging individualism and the freedom to choose how we live. A new space was created for the "happiness imperative" to develop. Society no longer told people not to enjoy things, in fact, the overriding message was; maximise your pleasure, consume experiences, be happy, and, most of all, enjoy yourself.
However, societal pressure to pursue happiness, pleasure, and satisfaction can give rise to a deep feeling of dissatisfaction and alienation, according to Bristol native, Dr Western, a former nurse and psychotherapist who holds two masters' degrees and a doctorate in leadership. He works with global corporations and humanitarian organisations such as Ukrainian non-government organisations, "Save the Children" teams in Zimbabwe, and international banks.
"Paradoxically, the abundant options for enjoyment constantly make us feel lacking as if we always need something else to make us happy," he says. "When we buy the next service or product to fulfil our lack, the fleeting moment of happiness passes, and we are back where we started, an individual desperately trying to fill the command to be happy. Communal wellbeing and social solidarity, which create feelings of connectedness and deep satisfaction, became marginalised in the society of 'commanded enjoyment'."
Constantly striving for happiness and trying to convince others and ourselves that we are happy is challenging, he maintains. The emotional effort involved in this happiness culture can take its toll on our mental and emotional health. "The pressure to fulfil our duty and entitlement actually makes us discontented as it is impossible to fully satisfy our desires that always seem out of reach. Following the 'happiness imperative' means judging ourselves against the imaginary happy others we see on mainstream and on social media.
Identity politics
"We strive to match their upbeat presentations and their manufactured beauty. The rise of beauty treatments and cosmetic surgery has expanded exponentially as individuals try to fulfil the social pressures that demand you look a certain way to be happy. Individualisation and identity politics have exploded and social media platforms propagate the 'happiness imperative' with new vigour. We perform being happy on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok as we want to share our best selves."
He quotes Frank Furedi and Franco Berardi, two prominent European sociologists, who claim that the happiness imperative creates the opposite effect of what is intended, citing levels of depression, anxiety, and unhappiness since society adopted that stance.
"It is worth noting that in the USA where positive psychology thrives, and the happiness imperative is most prevalent, Americans account for two-thirds of the global market for anti-depressants, which are the most commonly prescribed drugs in the USA. Mental health concerns for young people, who are particularly vulnerable to the happiness imperative, are soaring. It has gone viral, even those who believe they are living alternative lifestyles use the same mantras as in consumer capitalism. Take up yoga and be happy, mindfulness will bring you inner happiness. The wellbeing and new age spirituality movements have now become big business."
Dr Western, who hosts the "Edgy Ideas" podcast, which focuses on creating a good life and society, believes it is important to break free from the pressure to be happy. We experience many different emotions and happiness is just one of many that are vital for us to live engaged and fulfilling lives, he says.
"To be reflective, sad, contented, loved, unloved, melancholic, angry, excited, bored, frustrated, delighted and many more feelings and experiences are what it means to live a full life. To be happy comes in fleeting moments, it arrives surreptitiously as a by-product of living a full life. As soon as we strive for happiness itself as a life goal, we instrumentalise happiness, and we lose it."
He offers the following tips to help free us from the pressure to be happy:-
• Give yourself permission to not always feel positive/happy
• Notice the demands to be positive all around you and let them pass you by
• Allow yourself to feel human with all that entails, accepting limitations with humility, welcoming into your life the full range of feelings, sadness, grieving, loss, pain, love, hope, joy, contentment, and the ambivalence of many confusing feelings
• Develop social bonds. Have relationships with others and remember to give is greater than to receive
• Get in touch with nature and find solace in being a tiny molecule in a spectacular whole
• Contentment and moments of happiness come to us as a by-product of living a good life.
• Simon Western's book, "Entanglements - Weaving our Future", is available from Charlie Byrne's and Kenny's Bookshops and costs €25 or from Amazon at €31.
