Are ya ready to be part of this new blood to shake up Irish politics? Have ya thought about it? Did ya get the call, did ya get the call? Lucinda was in town last night, with the little red book. Maybe your number was in it. Maybe she's fond of ya. Maybe you’ll get the call for BootupdaArseIreland. Tog out. Warm up. Slap those calves. Throw on the wintercream. And then Mike Fitzmaurice joining up with your man with the plummy voice from Wickla, Ross. Sure you have to get the call. Ireland’s call. Your role in history. This is your moment. New party. Wow. Maybe more. Jaypers I never thought we'd see the day when you might be asked to join a party. Sit by the phone and wait.
Get the hair done or cut, just in case. Tidy the front room after the Christmas. You could meet Lucinda in there. Do the deal. It'll be grand. She's just a Claremorris woman, she won't mind a bit of mess. Mike Fitz, him, you could meet out in the yard. Walk around. He'd be more confortable there. He likes doing a deal with the sound of muck on the ground and the smella cowshite hangin' in the air. And he'll say 'Lisshhhennnnnn” in a way that makes ya lisshhhhhennnnn. And ya will. Now if Ross comes you'll have to break out the blue willow teacups and make tea and serve horses' ovaries and canapes and the likes 'cos he likes to talk posh like. But they want you, 'cos you've something to offer. You can make a difference.
Wonder when they'll call. And what’ll they ask me? Am I right wing or left wing? They might ask me that. I'll have to say ‘Neither’. I'm a straight down the middle kinda of politician. I''ll stand up for the little man, but if a horde of caravans parks on the little man's big field, I'll be there to shoot at them. A person for all seasons, me. The type these new parties will need. A person for all the people. Chip on both shoulders. Left and right, same sex marriage. I’m for that. Sure doesn't every marriage end up with the same sex anyway?
Sure, if there are more parties, there’ll be more candidates and more of a chance you’ll get the approach, to stand, like.. Do your bit for Ireland. Save the feckin' place. But don’t jump at it now. Don’t show them you’re eager. Tell them you're honoured. Surprised even. Tell them, let me see, tell them you’ll have to think about it. That you’ll have to sleep on it. Consult the family, herself, or himself like. Big decision. To be a TD in the first really changed Dail of the 21st century.
A statement. Yeah, you'll have to draft up wan of them, as soon as you make your decision to stand. Has to be humble. No airs and graces.
“After several approaches....( yeah, start with that ). After several approaches I’ve decided to put my name forward, to be considered for selection as a candidate.” No, say, I will be puttin’ meself before the people (which is true whatever way ya look at it ).
Throw in things like “time for new politics, big change, opportunity for commonsense,” new start. End of the road for the traditional parties.
Let them know you know politics. That you used to read Newsweek and Time Magazine and that you've watched Borgen, ya know that Swedish series about yer wan running Denmark. All of it. And you remember when Primetime was called Seven Days.
They're running candidates in every county and constituency, so you're bound to be in with a chance. You're new, fresh, but you can 'bring something new to the table,' that’s the phrase. Something new to the table. Go on, consider it.
Jaysus, I wonder if this phone is working at all?