Explaining the Ice Bucket Challenge in the style of Druid

Location: A cottage on Aran. A turf fire crackles in the grate. A woman in a shawl (prob played by Marie Mullen ) shuffles across the stage and spits into the flames. A howling sea wind is heard outside, battering the cottage.

— “Oh bejaysus and woe betide, tis a curse of a night to be out and a curse of a night to be in, with the memories of all me sons and daughters lost to me to Amerikay 'cept the wan gormless eejit I'm shamed to call me own.”

Door opens, the howling wind howls even louder, as howling winds do when ya open a door on Aran, in a Druid play. Gormless son (inevitably played by Aaron Monaghan ) comes in.

— "Oh is it not me gormless son, the wan who didn't get the green card and he coming to me tonight with sorrowful news from the top of the big cliff."

— "Tis me, Mother. I do be coming with the turf so I do be."

— "Whist son, whist, cos tonight I heard the banshee herself, and she do be climbing on the wind and calling to me. I heard the rattle, the death rattle, and then felt a big chill in me bones and then the most piercing scream the likes of which I hadn't heard since the night Christy Mahon did his auld lad in, or thought he did his auld lad in."

"Oh Mother ma croi, mother pal of my cradle days and all that, tis not of that you should be worrying this winter's night with the howling wind from the top cliff and the waves crashing against the shore and not a child in the house washed.

Door opens. Cillian Murphy comes in. Runs around like a mad man, kicks the dog and runs out. (The audience stand and applaud saying "Oh Enda Walsh is a genius, dahlin’, but what did that mean? )

— "As I was saying, Mother, the rattling and the chill and the screaming, tis not from the banshee that your head do be hearing them things. Them things do be the lads from Billy Byrne’s barn coming back on their bicycles in twos and threes from the dance and them doing that ice bucket challenge, Mammy. I do be watching them, so I do be"

— "Oh Merciful God, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, the grammar that do be coming out of this fella, but what is this Eye Spucket Challenge of what you do be talking, ya gormless eejit and me having fine strapping sons with the finest of grammar in Boshton and you the runt of the litter left to me to talk ramesh on the night when the wind from the big cliff is...”

— "...Howling, mammy? They do be flinging the cauld water from the well at the top of the hill and filling the barrel from Billy Byrne's barn with the frozen mackerels and them herrings and when the water is chilled enough to freeze the snot on a fisherman's nose, they do be crashing it down on themselves, so they do be. And on each others. And they do be laughing after it and swearing after it and praying to God as well Mammy, saying 'jaysis that was cold."

Mother takes up a sod of turf and takes a bite out of it. Door opens suddenly. Cillian Murphy runs in again and shoots the cat, and says "That was for Martin McDonogh. I forgot the last time." he leaves. "Over-actor" says Aaron Monaghan after him.

— "Gormless, tell me, why do they be doing these things they do be doing? Sure is that not crazy work the hand of the divil and the cost of them water charges coming in next year."

— "Tis maybe, Mammy you could say that, but the boys and girls are raising the shillings mammy to help them sick people. They do be doing the good deeds and having the craic at the same time and wetting wan another and laughing..."

Mother puts out her hands and addresses the audience in the style of a Marie Mullen monologue (great illiteration there )

— “C’mere to me, Gormless, tis me head thinking that you do be right about this. Let the grace of God go out this winter's night with the howling wind and thanks to them all who do be doing these great things for those who cannot. There's hope in the world yet."

Curtain closes — Luvvies rise, applaud and cry.

So the lesson for ye all on this dark August night with the summer not gone and the money heavy in yer pockets since the Galway Races. Let ye be thinking about the people who are tonight scared because they have Motor Neuron Disease, who are fearful that in time, the power will go from their limbs and they will see out their days living a terrifying life, trapped in their bodies and unable to control their bodies. Solving motor neuron disease has never been a priority for the big drug companies. It is said that there just aren't enough victims to justify pursuing that goal. You can change that by carrying out your Ice Bucket Challenge, getting the message of MND out there, educating each other so that in some way, we can change the mindset towards it in the hope that research will eventually find a drug or a cure to this terrible illness. Thank you so much all of you who have been doused or who will be doused in the coming days and weeks. Your money will bring some hope to a lot of people. You are having fun and raising awareness and money at the same time, and with so much angst in the world at the moment, those are powerful tools to be using for the benefit of those who have the illness or who will have it in years to come. Clap yerselves on the (wet ) back. Well done. Now where’s that bucket, gormless?


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