It is something we all think we understand yet experience so differently.
Which of these feels most true to you?
Time flies when you’re having fun.
Time drags.
Time is money.
Time waits for no one.
I arrived into this world somewhat reluctantly, assisted by forceps, a slightly overcooked, hairy baby on Bloody Sunday, 30 January 1972 in County Mayo. This January marked my 54th birthday, and I was deeply grateful to be celebrated by friends, family, and colleagues. With each passing year, I find myself increasingly conscious of time and more appreciative of it.
Birthdays inevitably bring me back to my parents, particularly my mother, who did all the hard work that day 54 years ago. Sadly, for them, my birthday now passes like any other day. Both live with dementia, an illness that has robbed them of significant dates, milestones, and memories. The passing of time and the many moments lived which can no longer be accessed in the filing system of their minds. Although their memory has diminished the bond remains intact as my own mind holds the moments in time we shared, preserving what mattered most when theirs no longer can.
As a mother myself, I find this profoundly upsetting. I struggle to imagine a life without memories so vividly etched into my own: my wedding day, or the moments my three children safely came into the world. Most parents can recall in detail the day their children were born, where they were, how they felt, the intensity of it all. Despite doing everything I can to protect my cognitive health, I sometimes wonder if this too may one day be my fate. A future time that I may not be so aware of!
As a life-stage psychotherapist, I work with men and women across the various stages of our lifespan, and I see clearly how our experience of time shifts as we move through life. In our twenties and thirties, many of us are barely aware of time passing. We are busy living, forming relationships, building careers, travelling, laying foundations for a time in the future.
In our forties and fifties, the so-called “sandwich years,” often accompanied by a midlife crisis we enter a relentless juggle of time, money, responsibility, and hormones. We are pulled in multiple directions: children, partners, work, ageing parents. Who gets our time? And how much is left for ourselves? Feelings of being overwhelmed, anxiety, and stress are common companions at this stage. We become acutely aware of time, yet paradoxically feel we have the least control over time itself.
We also become more conscious that our parents are growing older & frailer, while our children are preparing to or already have left the nest. This has been my reality over the past few years as my teenager triplets are becoming young adults and my parents’ health has been declining. I’m constantly torn about where my time should go, guilt shadowing every choice, am I doing enough for my parents? My children? My marriage? Myself?
Alongside this comes a growing awareness of the importance of investing in friendships and nurturing my relationship with my husband, so that as we age, we continue to enjoy this life journey together. Friendships are very important, but with limited time, quality matters more than quantity.
As existential awareness sets in and we realise we are not, in fact, going to live forever, an important question emerges: Who and what truly matters to you, and how & with whom do you want to spend your time?
I have learned a great deal from older clients who speak of having less time ahead of them than behind. While many now have more freedom and fewer obligations, time itself is no longer the main barrier. Instead, physical health, energy, or cognitive capacity may limit the adventures they once imagined. Is this the great paradox of time. Older clients also remind us not to leave our affairs to chance. Too many families are torn apart by disputes over wills, land, and unspoken wishes. While we still have autonomy and agency, it is a gift to make decisions on our own terms, sparing loved one’s confusion and conflict that may arise at a later time.
What I have learned so far
Life is short, and time seems to accelerate as we age. Time is our most valuable commodity. It cannot be mined, drilled for, or bought. Aim for quality over quantity. Become more discerning with how you invest your energy and attention. Recognise time’s value before you are left wondering where it went or worse still, feeling time was wasted.
As I continue somewhat ungraciously but gratefully happy to grow older, I no longer take time for granted. I want to live a full life, rich with experience. I want to spend my time doing the work I love, with people I love, and with those who love me in return. I want to live not merely exist, remaining aware and attuned to myself, to others, and to the world that I am privileged to be part of, for now.
As Kris Kristofferson wrote, “Yesterday is dead and gone, and tomorrow is out of sight.”
I invite you to become aware of time, your time and of the only time that truly exists: the present. I wish you time. I wish you the memories made, and memories yet to be made. Because time waits for no one.
Mary Lynn is an accredited psychotherapist in the Druid Building, Galway City. 087 6352636 www.marylynn.ie Instagram marylynntherapist.ie
