John Buckley, a Cork father of four, posted a letter and a package before Christmas to a 31-year-old prisoner serving a life sentence for murder in a Scottish jail.
He told Alexander Pacteau that he forgave him for murdering his daughter, Karen, in Glasgow more than 10 years ago and enclosed a little pamphlet containing the Divine Mercy prayer and a crucifix from Medugorje.
He has not received a reply but believes he did the right thing in extending the hand of forgiveness to his daughter’s killer. “Maybe in his own time, he will turn back to God,” he says. “I hope he will be in Heaven some day.”
Few people coping with a tragedy like that experienced by John, his wife, Marian, and their three sons, would have it in their hearts to demonstrate the level of Christianity that he did.
He describes the murder of his 24-year-old daughter, his youngest child, as “very, very tragic”. After graduating with a nursing degree from the University of Limerick, Karen worked as a nurse for about two years in Limerick and Harlow, a town in Essex. Then, she decided to move to Glasgow with a few friends to study for a Masters degree in Occupational Therapy at the city’s Caledonian University. She arrived there in February 2015 but her life was cruelly cut short in less than two months – she was murdered in the early hours of Sunday, April 12.
On that fateful night, the young student from Mourneabbey, a rural area near Mallow, Co Cork, had gone to a nightclub in the city centre with her friends. She left the club on her own later to get a taxi home. John says she was always very careful, even when getting taxis.
“Unfortunately, that night there was a young man intent on committing murder,” he says. “He had been stalking a young woman early in the night, she seemed to escape.” However, Karen was not as fortunate. She encountered the then 21-year-old Pacteau as she left the nightclub. “She was seen being bundled into a car and was murdered in about 15 or 20 minutes.”
On the Sunday, her family received the terrible news. “We got the dreadful phone call that Karen was missing and her phone battery was gone dead. So, we made arrangements on the Monday to go over [to Glasgow]. We met the police and we were put up in a hotel and for that week, we hoped and prayed and, so did everybody back here, that Karen would be found safe and well. We waited, we hoped, and we prayed that everything would work out.”
Outskirts of the city
Sadly, it was not to be. They learned on the Wednesday that Karen was dead but it was Friday before her body was found. It was discovered at a farm on the outskirts of the city.
At Alexander Pacteau’s sentencing – he was ordered to serve at least 23 years in prison for her murder – the court heard details of how he attempted to destroy her body and cover up his crime. John says Karen’s body was found in a barrel of acid, he had “destroyed” her.
Speaking at the Galway Solemn Novena recently, and in an interview afterwards with this newspaper, he talked about his family’s profound loss and the strength and courage he found in God. He also spoke about the grace he obtained to forgive the man who murdered his “kind, outgoing, very genuine” daughter who loved life and caring for older people.
John talks poignantly about returning to Cork to make the funeral arrangements for his 24-year-old daughter and then flying back to Glasgow with the family’s own priest to accompany her body home. Her funeral took place two-and-a-half weeks after she went missing.
“We brought her back to our own home and for that one night [that she lay in repose] we were all together again. But this time, it was just Karen’s body. So, the next day with the funeral and then the removal, life either flashed by or just stood still, I don’t know [which].”
Her murder prompted an outpouring of public support and kindness in both Ireland and Glasgow which touched the family deeply. “We were coming out of a situation where Karen had been murdered and everybody was praying for us. Masses were being said, Karen’s bedroom in our house was full of letters, cards, and Mass cards, many from people we didn’t know. It was absolutely incredible and it shared in some of our grief and took some of that pain. Everybody that prayed for us and got Masses said, helped us.”
He availed of bereavement support which was very beneficial, he says. “One thing that helped immensely was going to Bethany [a parish-based bereavement support group]. It was great and would be good in the case of any death or tragedy. It [the grief] is all bottled up inside you, they helped me verbalise it. They are trained to listen and they give you time.” John found the spiritual dimension of the group helpful, too.”
He and his wife went to Medugorje later that year. “It’s a wonderful place, I spoke to Fr Leon [a Dominican chaplain to English-speaking pilgrims] there. I was talking to him quite a long time. Some man also introduced met to Eddie Stones [who runs a Catholic prayer centre in Clonfert]. We went to many, many places and everything helped that little bit.”
Troubled him deeply
As John grappled with his grief over the next year and a half, he found consolation in his Catholic faith. However, one thing troubled him deeply. “I always used to go into a church, any church. I would sit with Jesus and talk to Him, I would go to Adoration. But there was always one thing at the back of my mind constantly: ‘Where is Karen?’ as she was murdered and never got the last rites.” He feared she would not have eternal rest because of that.
“I used to go into a church and plead with Jesus and then, one day, my answer came.” John had a spiritual experience and got the reassurance he so desperately craved. He learned that Karen was with the Lord. He was also told he was being given the gift of mercy and was asked to forgive murderers, he says.
“This happened at a ‘Life in the Spirit’ seminar setting and there were two people praying over me. Then, one of them said that Jesus was asking me to walk with Him. I was terrified, I didn’t expect this. I just blurted out that I wasn’t worthy. Then, I was asked to visualise I was in a very dark place, which I was, in total despair, looking out at the light but I couldn’t get out. And now Jesus came right in and He took me out of that darkness right along by the sea, right into it, down under the water, and back out. And I think that’s the font of mercy.
“He said He would always be with me. And then the answer came… because I was told Jesus was now putting his arms around Karen and me which meant she was with Him. Then, I knew she was in a good place. Hopefully, some day I’ll see her. And He told me he gave me the gift of mercy to forgive people that commit murder.”
John says he has forgiven Alexander Pacteau, who cruelly robbed Karen Buckley of her life early one April morning, in Glasgow. “Over the years, I’ve included him in my prayers and at Mass and I’ve got Mass said for Karen and for him. Just before Christmas, I wrote to the prison authorities [in Scotland] and their suggestion was to write a letter to him. I told him I forgive him and that if we turn back to Jesus, no matter how bad or what harm we’ve done and if we’re sorry, he will forgive us. I gave him a little pamphlet of the Divine Mercy [prayer] and a little cross from Medugorje.”
Sitting in silent communion with the Lord in church or at home will help guide people on the right path and give their lives’ direction, he believes.
“I know that going to the sacraments, the Mass, and Adoration is absolutely wonderful. But even in our own home, if we could switch off the phone for an hour on a regular basis and sit and listen in the stillness. If we do that on a regular basis, Jesus will speak back to our hearts.”
What has aided him on his grief journey? In addition to his strong faith and the love and support of his family and friends, he says mountain climbing has helped. Before Karen died, he climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, the tallest mountain on the African continent and the highest free-standing mountain in the world, as well as the Himalayas. He will take on the challenge of trekking to Everest Base Camp in September. Will he be thinking of Karen as he walks along this iconic route with its breathtaking scenery and suspension bridges adorned with prayer flags? “I think of her all the time,” is his reply.
