Well there was a great turn out for the annual spit fada competition here in the village after Mass last Sunday. There was fierce practising going on Saturday and large amounts of cheese and Guinness were being consumed to improve spit viscosity and projection, as well as vast amounts of water to counteract the concentrating action of the cheese and the dehydrating action of the alcohol. The winner this year was Pa Murray for the second year running. He managed to cast a spit 25 feet using a variant of what he calls the ‘long throw-in technique’ used by soccer players, which involves running up to the spitting line with his arms clasped behind his head, and then bending right back from the waist before catapulting his upper body forward.
Speaking afterwards Pa explained that combined with the long throw-in technique another secret to his success is the way he isolates the spit in his mouth keeping it contained at the front of the mouth with his tongue pushed to the roof of his mouth;
‘Less is more Larry, where many people go astray is when they try to cast too big a spit, spit size matters.’
I know what you’re thinkin’, you’ve got one in your mouth just now but what can you do with it. Spitting in company is not that acceptable anymore. God be with the days when I was growin’ up and you’d see men spittin’ to their hearts content in the pub and rolling it in the sawdust with their boots. Sure that all stopped when they started allowin’ the women into the pubs. You won’t see much spittin’ in company nowadays, it’s only celebrity soccer players that are allowed do it on the telly these days.
Poor aul Gerry Flaherty got disqualified because according to the judges what was coming from his mouth was more projectile than spit. Sure the poor fecker couldn’t help it, isn’t he just getting over a bad chest infection.
Delighted to say in these days of equality Mags Fanning and Geraldine Power took part in the women’s competiton. Geraldine came first with a cast of 10 feet. She’s vegetarian God love her and put her success down to eatin’ plenty greens.
Hay down
Well there’s a fierce amount of hay down these last few days but sure what’s down is not real hay at all just silage grass with a few long wisps in it. That short grass will never make decent hay. Sure anyone who bales that aul stuff will regret it, it will be falling out of the bales when it dries out.
I don’t know what’s wrong with people, sure it takes the guts of 10 weeks for a field to grow decent hay and sometimes longer if the weather isn’t in it. I wouldn’t mind an aul eejit like Malachi Mulligan cuttin’ it too soon but a progressive farmer like Johnnie Fletcher. Sure he’s in REPS. Let ye take yer time lads, ye’ll be soon enough cuttin’ it after bonfire night.
Bonfire night
Don’t forget to start emptying out any aul shite ye have in yer sheds over the weekend because bonfire night is upon us. Nearly every house here in the village had a bonfire last year, it’s great to see people reviving an old custom.
We’re all gettin’ ourselves ready for the annual sheep ashin’ ceremony next Thursday, next week’s column will carry a full report.
Question of the week
Never mind Father’s Day, when is father’s night?
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