When anyone asks Mick Ryan (75 ) how many children he has, he always says five. In his heart, that will forever be the size of his beloved family, even though he sadly lost his son to suicide in 2004.
Like all parents who have experienced the heartbreak of a child's death, it is very important to Mick to acknowledge his son, Sean Paul's existence, honour his memory, and keep his legacy alive. "I've four more kids but I still say I have five when anyone asks," he says. The family originally lived in Dublin but later relocated to Wexford.
Sean Paul was a happy-go-lucky young man who lived with his parents and two brothers and two sisters and worked as a plasterer. He had lots of friends and, on the outside, appeared not to have a care in the world.
"We had only moved into our house in Bunclody in Co Wexford when he died," says his father. "He was a great mixer and was always laughing and jolly." However, when he was 21, he began to suffer from depression. A year later, he died tragically, leaving behind a devastated family.
In the long and lonely years that followed, Mick often thought about other people like Sean Paul who find themselves in a dark place and wished he could do something to help them. He began by becoming a volunteer 15 years ago with Pieta, the suicide and self-harm prevention charity.
Then, one day in 2017, he had a sudden flash of inspiration. He came up with a novel way to reach out to people in distress and give them a message of hope. He decided to place a teddy bear with a solar light and a notice reminding them that they were loved by their family, friends, and pets on Hanover Bridge in Carlow. The "Light in the Darkness" laminated sign also included contact details for the Samaritans, Mick's own mobile number, and an appeal for volunteers to put up these notices and teddy bears near rivers and bridges around the country.
When he told his wife what he'd done, she panicked. "My missus said: 'You'll have the guards here, arresting you.' I fully expected them to knock on my door or else, that the council would come looking for me." In fact, the opposite was true. The authorities looked kindly on his initiative because they appreciated the heartache behind this bereaved father's bid to save lives and protect families from the trauma of losing a loved one to suicide.
"I've had guards come up to me and say they were delighted at what I was doing. They are often the first at the scene of a suicide so they know all about it."
Immensely positive
The response to that first teddy bear on the bridge in Carlow was immensely positive and even took Mick by surprise. "I could have just put up a sign but I thought, who will notice a sign? People driving or walking by will notice a teddy bear. I remember saying to my wife: 'If this works in Carlow, it will work all over the country.' Then, people were coming from all over and saying what a brilliant idea it was and they started talking about it on social media."
Today, these furry beacons of hope, which aim to raise awareness of the help that is available to people feeling suicidal, are proudly shining a light in the darkness in railway stations, bridges, cliffs, parks, and other suicide black spots all over Ireland. The most prominent one in Galway is located on O'Brien's Bridge. Mick has fond memories of the county, he spent many happy camping holidays here with his children. He also enjoyed fishing trips in Oughterard and in Cong, Co Mayo with Sean Paul. He is full of praise for the work being done by Claddagh Watch Patrol, the Galway charity which aims to reduce the number of accidental or suicide deaths on local waters.
He is appealing for volunteers in Galway city and county to put up these suicide prevention teddy bears for him. "I'm depending on people to help me as I had a bit of a stroke over two years ago and I'm not able to get out as much now. There are teddy bears throughout Ireland. Sometimes, people ring me and say they were driving by one of the teddies and even though they were not suicidal, seeing it gave them a lift.
"I ask people when they put up a teddy bear to send me a photo on WhatsApp. They can buy a teddy in a charity shop or donate one of their own and add a solar light. I will supply them with the poster/notice. Some people who put up a teddy call them after a loved one who died, not just by suicide, but by any other cause.
"I ask people if the teddy bear has a scarf to remove it before they put it up and to put the cable ties they secure the bear with around its arms, not its neck."
There is something about teddy bears that resonate with people, he says. These cuddly guardians against loneliness and fear offer comfort and reassurance and are a nostalgic reminder of people's own childhoods or their children's. This can be an effective way of encouraging someone in crisis to think twice before taking that final step.
The message on the accompanying notice saying: "Your family, friends, pets love you" is a further reminder that the person is cherished. Teddy bears have a particular significance for Mick. He remembers Sean Paul cuddling his teddy as a child and even when he was older.
Feeling low
His father hopes that someone feeling low will be distracted for a minute when seeing the teddy bear and may think of their families and loved ones and change their mind about leaving them behind.
"When they are walking along a river or over a bridge in the pitch dark, the solar light will lead them to the notice and hopefully take their mind off what they planned to do. They might have a child at home and the teddy bear might remind them of this or they might call the helplines on the notice."
The teddy bear campaign, spearheaded by a bereaved father who turned pain into purpose and which began with a lone bear on duty on a Carlow bridge, has now become international. Videos of the bears have gone viral with people worldwide commenting on the meaningful messages the bear is promoting and the importance of reminding people who are struggling that they are loved.
Mick Ryan says hundreds of teddies have been placed in areas in Ireland where they are likely to be noticed by people feeling distressed and hopeless. This "light in the darkness" drive is also running in England and the United States. People contact Mick to praise him for his initiative and tell him they are interested in putting up teddies in their own countries.
The bears have made quite an impact. He was told by the suicide prevention services that people in crisis have contacted them after seeing their helpline details on the notice positioned next to the teddies. Some people contact Mick directly when they are in a dark place and he gladly offers a listening ear.
He believes his initiative is saving lives. "Some people in trouble ring me to say they've no family or friends. I ask them if they have a pet and some do. One girl in her twenties rang me a while ago at about 10.30pm off a private number. She told me she wanted to take her life because her boyfriend had lost his life to suicide and she wanted to go with him. I asked if there was anyone with her. Then, my dog started barking and she said: 'You've a dog'. She had dogs, too, and she said they were her only friend at the time. I tried to hold on to her [on the phone]. I'm just an ordinary man who went through it [suicide bereavement], I'm not a counsellor or psychiatrist. She rang me the week after to thank me and this time, her phone number came up.
"Another man, a father, rang me to thank me for putting the teddy up. His son was out one night and was going to go over a bridge. He didn't go, he saw the sign and the solar light. His father rang me and said: 'You're a stranger but you saved my son's life'. It warms my heart to hear I'm saving lives." It has helped him on his own grief journey too, he says.
He tells another story about a teddy bear he placed along the river Barrow in Athy. "Weeks later, I was there and I went to check on the teddy. I go over to the sign and the teddy was still there. A homeless man came over to me and said: 'Leave my teddy there, it's the only friend I have when I go to bed at night'. That made my heart cry. His tent was nearby and he thought I was from the council and was going to remove the bear."
At one stage, Mick considered giving up his lifesaving mission. Then one night, he was in his bedroom when he got this very strong feeling that he should continue his work. He likens it to a voice in his heart telling him to continue providing light in the darkness.
He believes this was a message from his son, Sean Paul. "My son in heaven is giving me the push to do all this. I know he's still around. How would anyone think of a simple idea like the teddy bears? It came from him."
• Mick Ryan can be contacted at (087 ) 9140261.
Where to go for help
• The Galway Samaritans provide 24 hour, 365 days a year, support by telephoning its free helpline 116 123, emailing [email protected] or [email protected] People can also call to its centre at 4, Nun's Island H91 YR27.
• Pieta offers crisis support to people experiencing suicidal thoughts. It runs a 24-hour free helpline at 1800 247 247 or text HELP to 51444.
• Aware provides free support, education, and information to people or their families impacted by depression, bipolar disorder, and related mood conditions. Telephone 1800 80 48 48 or (01 ) 5240360 from 10am to 10pm seven days a week.
• If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call the emergency services by dialling 999 or 112.
• Text About It is a free 24 hour service. It offers everything from a calming chat to immediate support for your mental health and emotional wellbeing. Free-text HELLO to 50808 for an anonymous chat with a trained volunteer any time.
