Anyone for the Pigshaving comm-a-tee? And something for the wimmen

Anyone for the Pigshaving Committeee. Any takers there? Johnny, You’re grand for that. You spend most of your life up to your oxters in sh, sh, shurpluses anyway. I’ll put ya down for that. Yeah, there’ll be a few trips. To Borris on Ossory and the like. Good mileage, not just down the road, like.

Jimmy, remember last year in Amsterdam, Way hayhay. Say nawthing. What happens in Amsterdam stays in Amsterdam. Remember the face on yer wan when ya asked her for a receipt. Ha ha ha. Fancy going again Jimmy, this year’s conference is on Human Trafficking or some auld shite like that. I’ll put ya down. And meself too.

Mary, now let me see if I have anything for the wimmen. Let me see, there’s a Wimmen’s Equality Comm-a-Tee here. You’d be grand for that. I’d say you were a right bra-burner in your day. And Jimmy, I’d say it’d take two units of the firebrigade to put that one out. Ha, what.

Will you be ok for that, Mary? Don’t worry about who’ll get Tommy his dinner, sure he’ll cope for a few days. And sure can’t ya leave something in the fridge for him. Good woman. Now who’s next?

You thought the election was all over. Think again, my friends. You thought that the councillors were all off relaxing. Are they heck? This is the week when the real business is done, when in advance of the first meetings of the new councils, the various groupings will divvy up the prime comm-a-tees. The County Council used to have a sheep-shearing one, even though there was so much clamour to get on it, you’d think it was sheep-sharing rather than sheep-shearing they were doing. Or was it sheep dipping? Either way it involved doing things with woolly animals that should not be mentioned in family newspapers.

Becoming a councillor is a lucrative business, as can be judged by the expenses exposed by former councillor Danny Callanan last week. They were ringing here for days beforehand asking me to be fair to them now and sure what’s the problem with a few auld bob. And getting on a good comm-a-tee can mean a good difference in the auld spondoolicks. Mileage, substistence and overnight stay is your only man!

Next Monday, the Galway City Council get together for the first meeting, but by then all of the real business will have been done. What are the prime comm-a-tees there? There’s an EU Monitoring Committee which involves sitting up on Tonabrocky Hill with a pair of binoculars. Our good mayor is currently the man charged with monitoring the EU. There’s also a BMW committee which probably involves testdriving the new vehicles around the Border, Midlands And West region. There is also a Galway City Joint Policing Committee which has 11 members who presumably police the distribution and sale of joints in the city. Lucrative one that. No wonder there are 11 members on it.

The City Council have told the councillors to come dressed in their ceremonial robes when they arrive for Monday’s meeting. The new councillors, all five of them have been advsied that they will have to borrow a robe. Borrow a robe? Where? From disappointed losers. Batman kits in Smyths? Where do you have these things anyway? They have been told that after Monday they will have to have their own ones, no more borrowing, but don’t fret as “an allowance will be provided in this regard.” It’s started already. All aboard the gravy train. Now where’s me bloody robe?

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