Get used to oppression!

Life’s a lot harder when you don’t know where you stand. And at the moment the majority of us are on edge. Some of us walk into work each day wondering if today is going to be the day lay offs or cutbacks will be announced.

Or perhaps you wake up every morning not knowing what to do with yourself. After spending most of your adult life working nine to five, you’re left whiling away your day with afternoon TV and copious cups of tea, desperately searching the paper and internet for a job, any job!

And now, collectively, we’re all waiting for next Friday. Not knowing what devastating decisions are currently being made in Leinster House, or how many nails they’re going to put into the economic coffin.

All trust has disappeared, and faith vanished, and we’re left wishing away the next nine months in simple hope that 2010 will bring some good news.

But let’s try and get through next Friday first.

You know about next Friday, right? Hello! It’s Budget day. Now don’t get confused. You’re right, it’s not October yet. And yep, we just had a budget. But sure an April budget sounds lovely, doesn’t it?

Something tells me that this time next week we’re gonna be one grumpy nation. Well grumpier. Not to be a pessimist or anything, but things aren’t looking too good. The whole gloom and doom situation is getting more ridiculous by the day.

Which only means there’ll be some ridiculous taxes coming our way!

So what can we expect? Well not wanting you to have that “not knowing where you stand” feeling, we’ve used our trusty crystal ball to make some highly inaccurate predictions.

1 Art tax - You know it’s coming. Especially after this week’s Cowen Gate, when the Gardai were brought in to investigate some humorous, and slightly disturbing paintings of Briano, appearing in two Dublin galleries.

2 Freedom of expression tax - See above. Lucky for us we live in a democracy where we have freedom of speech and openly express our opinions of our political leader!

3 Employment tax - Seeing as having a job these days is a luxury it’s only fair that on top of normal tax and the levy we get taxed for actually having a job.

4 Daytime TV tax - Well this is more an increase in the TV licence fee if you spend your days on the couch. A special scheme will be set up for those on the dole where one quarter of their dole payment will be sent straight over to RTE so they can afford to play repeats of Neighbours and Oprah.

5 And finally - Local Election tax - Surely Briano and co will be introducing a tax on voting for anyone other than FFers in the upcoming local and EU elections. Because, as has been proven this week, heaven forbid we express our opinion on the standing Government.

On the plus side, it’s good to get used to all this oppression. It’ll mean we’ll adapt to change much quicker when China buys us out.

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