The sins of the father...

In association with Mairead Heagney

What happens when we don’t take responsibility for our lives? What are the consequences of this? This is my take on it; I believe that we come onto this earth to learn lessons, and our lessons are the reverse of what we experience in life. Now this may sound confusing but its not. It goes as follows; if in this lifetime, I have chosen (unconsciously ) to, or need to learn about abundance, I will then, in this lifetime choose to be born into a family that believe in lack. If the family we are born into already believe in or experience abundance the lessons of having abundance are, already learned.

However, rather than striving for abundance and pushing or fighting against lack what I need to look at is my beliefs of lack, around the abundance which I already have/experience. Perhaps, even though I have enough, I fear one day not having enough, even causing stress to myself by focusing my life on making sure that this abundance never disappears. Or perhaps I do the complete opposite, rejecting and rebelling against my birth-rightly wealth, which is in the end simply another, all be it more difficult to pinpoint, expression of my attachment or obsession with abundance. Either way all of the above could lead to living what many would call a ‘poorly life’. By holding on so tightly to abundance I turn something which I could simply enjoy and accept as being (in my life ) into another of life’s struggles. I forget to enjoy and live my abundance, just as though I lived in material poverty. Once these beliefs (often of fear of not having enough ) are addressed the abundance then flows without effort.

Enough however on abundance, more importantly, what happens when I don’t learn the lesson, whether it is to do with abundance or love or whatever the case may be? What happens when I don’t willingly learn the lesson is that I pass on the belief to the next generation! So for example, if I have a grandfather that is angry and he chooses not to address this anger, he then passes it on to his son, and the son carries this anger around. If this son doesn’t address the anger, he, in turn, then passes it on to his son, the grandson. The grandson now carries his own anger, his father’s and the grandfather’s- this some may say is a lot of anger to carry around, but we all do it. We all carry all sort’s of habits, customs, feelings and emotions of the generation’s gone before us. Just think of those things that we do because we are French or Irish or Chinese, or the way we fold the clothes or cook the potatoes ‘cause Mum did’ it that way.

Now think of the way we speak gruffily to certain people ‘cause Dad did’ and now think of the negative body image we have because ‘Mum was never comfortable in a swimsuit, nor Mum’s Mum, now while we’re thinking about it’. Now we’re getting close to the emotional arena of feelings, in which our emotions and deepest beliefs are contained and housed. Feelings of lack, sorrow, hatred, love, these are all passed on from one generation to the next, as are our emotions until properly dealt with head on. In turn, we colloquilize these feelings and emotions, as ‘running in the family’, even calling them hereditary. These could be illnesses, beliefs, stigmas, ways of doing things, any strong trait which we understand as having passed from one generation to the next.

The magic however is seen when one member of the family address’ the issue, the link in the chain is broken and the hold on subsequent generations is weakened. That one member of the family has made the ‘issue’ or ‘problem’ less of one, for both those who have gone before them and those who come after them. Perhaps they have dealt with their Mother’s and hence their own tendency towards chocolate or their and their Father’s use of anger as a means of expression. But, you may ask, what happens when we don’t address our issues? As much as one may wish, the responsibility of addressing the issue doesn’t disappear just because I choose not to own up to it, instead I simply pass it on. Yes, I may no longer have to stare it in the face each day but someone must carry on the burden of it, someone is always left to carry it on. Let's take another very simple example which we are all most acquainted with; an unprecedented financial crash, we’ve all been through that one.

Who took the responsibility for it, at the tops we had the banks lend out themoney, they took little to no responsibility for their actions, we had the individuals and senior bondholders, who aided the over-lending and spending, again avoiding all responsibility where possible. We then had those who took out the largest loans doing their upmost to divert the taking of any such responsibility until it ended in the laps of those at the bottom of the rung. The laps of those in small business or simple family home mortgage owners. By no one taking responsibility, the responsibility didn’t just disappear, it was merely passed on until someone decided or was forced to deal with it head on. The same applies for every emotion, feeling and area of our lives where we reject taking responsibility for. We must think this one through, where in our lives are we not taking responsibility? Remember that when I am in control of my life I am responsible, and when I am truly acting responsibly, I am in control of my life. When not in control of my life it’s easy to blame someone else, when in control of my life, its not so easy nor will I want to blame someone else. I hope that this piece brings, instead of stress and worry of all those things you must now cleanse yourself of granted to you by your ancestors, that instead, you find a new found hope and joy, a knowing that you are your own creator and that by acknowledging what has gone before you and by taking responsibility for what that is you can feel full and ‘adult like’ in every way possible.

For more information call 0906 503973 or go to maireadheagney.com

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