The Wild Banker - Gilles McBain

Christmas Miscellany 2010

Last October 7, the renowned playwright and short story writer John Arden celebrated his 80th birthday. The occasion was commemorated in the Town Hall in the appropriate way. Actors read extracts from his plays, musicians played, and John, with his valiant partner Margaretta D’Arcy, performed. It was a memorable evening. Film director Bob Quinn could not contain himself. He brought the house down by singing the following ditty, which would make a good party piece this Christmas.

The Wild Banker - Gilles McBain

(To the tune of The Wild Rover )

I was a banker of sound common sense

add the pence to the pounds – and the pound to the pence.

The property ladder - I climbed rung by rung,

till the boom turned to dust – and the fat lady sung.

Saying no nay Nama,

no nay Nama no more -

will I be the wild banker -

no Nama no more.

I went to a lender – I used to frequent,

and I told the head honcho my money was spent.

I asked him for credit – he answered me: “nay,

for a chancer like you I can meet any day.”

Saying etc.

But I'd deeds in my pocket – development land,

so my friends Anglo-Irish said: “Isn't it grand” -

they said “leverage, leverage, up to the sky,

let the poor old taxpayer stump up by and by.”

Saying etc.

I'd a grand helicopter – and blonde trophy wife,

and a Merc and a yacht and the time of my life.

Yes, I made a killing – and came back for more,

and I stashed all my winnings in Erin's offshore.

Saying etc.

I was the wild banker – for many a day,

but I've blown all me billions – champagne all the way.

And now it's over – I've pulled my last stroke.

And I never will play the wild banker – I'm broke.

Saying etc.

I'll go back to my parents – confess what I've done,

say: “Forgive your poor negative equity son.

Will you please repossess me – I've run out of luck”

and the answer they gave me – it left me quite shook.

Saying etc.

(Envoi )

So Brian and Enda should heed Ireland's call,

and Gilmore and Gormley and Callery and all -

face up to the music – and backs to the wall -

and come to election – GOODBYE TO YE ALL.

Saying etc.

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