The white flag has been raised....

Good evening punters and welcome to Ballybrit for the inaugural running of this evening’s feature race

the Bord Snip-sponsored Nobuckettopeein Plate. And what a turnout we have with a massive field all looking resplendent in their horsy colours and fun-sized men aboard. The recession has not hit Ballybrit at all. Indeed, it looks as if the entire town has turned out to place their redundancy payments on the geegees.And what a treat they’re in for with this feature event. The white flag has been raised and they’re offfffffffff.

First to make a break is the city council-owned horse Smartlights, but wait, he stops, goes again, stops, slows down, goes again, then stops altogether before keeling over. A bit of early drama then, but it doesn’t put off the rest of the field. The city council’s fine stable doesn’t end there, with their stallion Let Them Eat Lead making an early impression. This horse is Mervue-bred and is sired out of the famous Crypto stable which produced such champions as Brown Socks, On The Pot, and Ohjaysus. The City Museum horse Fekallinnit is also featuring well as we pass the stand for the first time while the Mutton Island nag Richard The Turd has come into the reckoning

Running for their lives this evening in the Bord Snip event are the Eamo-no-ffice, Dingle or Daingean and On The Chopper while the Noel Grealish-owned Willie Or Wontie stops looks around and then continues on before again stopping to make up its mind.

Also making an impression are the Chinese-sponsored VOR horses Tanks No Tanks, Paddy The Sailor and Eric’s On Four, but the best of these is Visiting Vendor, Grand Site and Paella or Chips.

Right behind that come the Neverland stable of horses such as Kid Glove, Blowing Bubbles and Mortimer’s Spelling, but Mortimer’s Spelling leaves a little to be desired there as it goes around the bend.

Before that are the Arts Festival horses Who Are Ya, Dance Me Arse and No Nooky, quickly followed by the recently relocated to the west TG4 horses Hairstraightener and Fake Tan which are also doing well

Next to that we have Goalforgalway, but that’s overtaken by Mark Up Lads, and Gardiner’s World and BeatforSammon. They’re pursued by the Terryland Park horses What’s Yer Topping, Not A Bob and Westdoc’s Our Physio. Also making an impression are the bulked-up Connacht rugby horse Table Propper but it’s way too muscular to make any impression. The McIntyre stable’s Give It To Joe is also showing well as the horses go down into the dip and make the rise up to the last bend

Showing great legs here are those hoary old Galway favourites Lightfingers, Three Card Trick, and Watch Yer Wallet, while Visiting Escort, How’s Your Father, Happy Ending, Wholesale Prices, and Anything Extra are jockeying for position and look like employing a variety of manoeuvres to give punters the ride of their lives.

And as they turn the bend for the last time, the roar (of hunger ) from the job starved punters in the stands can be heard across the fields of Ballybrit, and as they come up to the stand it’s down to three horses,with the HSE-owned We’ve Got The Drugs, just ahead of Babe’s Bellyache and Atchooink. The crowd rises to their feet, their bare feet, as the heavily backed HSE-nag gets the nod and crosses the line just in front of the SchweinFlew pair. What drama. What an evening, What........atchooooooooooooo. God bless ya.

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